Coming Soon... Colangelo Part 2: The Sequel Stockton Never Asked For

STOCKTON, CA — The Stockton City Council is poised to greenlight a sequel nobody asked for. Following the proud tradition of Hollywood studios churning out cinematic sequel duds like Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, the Stockton council is set to vote Tuesday on the reappointment of Steve Colangelo as Interim City Manager.

The first installment, a six-month masterpiece of municipal incompetence, was a total shitshow, similar to Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan or Speed 2: Cruise Control. But like a low-budget producer with a bad script, Mayor Christina Fugazi and her handlers at the 209 Times are determined to bring this franchise back from the dead.

209 Times CEO Motecuzoma "Motec" Sanchez broke the news organization's six-month silence on the City Manager issue with this statement on why Colangelo is being considered again, "Hello! You think we took over this city council just to put an actual City Manager in charge? Colangelo is the only one in consideration." Motec continued as scenes from Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood played in the background, "Six months is no way enough time for us to milk this cash cow. We need him there permanently. And we got the votes to make it happen. Suck on that bitch!"

The plot of this political sequel seems to be a direct rip-off of the classic comedy The Producers, with 209 Times and their city council puppets casting a failed businessman with no municipal experience and not even a bachelor's degree to run a major American city. The only difference is that unlike "Springtime for Hitler," this show is not designed to be a hit. It's a disaster from the get-go, with the hope of bilking the city for even more the second time around.

When approached for comment on the impending vote, Councilmember Mariela Ponce was unavailable. Sources familiar with her schedule confirm she was too busy at the time watching Dumb & Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd to provide an immediate response.

So get ready, Stockton. The sequel is coming soon, and like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, Robocop 3 or Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch, it's guaranteed to be a massive flop. Audiences are already bracing for a plot with no direction, a series of baffling decisions, and a finale that leaves everyone wondering why they bothered to watch in the first place.

Colangelo Sequel Promises The Franchise Nobody Asked For